2015 of all

another year passes.
hello there world if you're still reading.
i guess the blogging trend is no longing much a need to the community anymore perhaps?

should we do the typical post of resolutions for the year? yums so much excitement, literally being sarcastic.
more like a reminder for myself , when i get to reflect by 2016.

1, do have what i have always wanted, a place of my own, a store of my own, i believe this would be the year ! its my time to shine!

2, work harder and harder and harder till my bank account grows sporadically

3, learn to be patient and change my ways  of ego . BE ZEN , be me :D

4, hitting my materialistic list

5, work my relationship
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The realisations that stampede towards me within the sphere of my bedroom run circles in my head - round and round, bouncing back and forth between the notions of 'i'm losing it' and 'i'm fine'. I can feel fine cracks forming in my mentality, like cracks in a glass pane, surging and splitting with the slightest touch. It is with each moment with and without you I feel the cracks growing. What was once a giant unbreakable wall now lies rubble at my feet, my vulnerability exposed to be prodded and examined by someone from the outside. 
strikes again,  i love you. I'm mostly sure. i never said it to you because mainly i was too scared and i was hoping that you would know somehow. occasionally at the randomest times i would always question you, do you love me? it was just one word i needed to know, even though i know. i just wanted to hear it. the sound of it would kill all of the negativity again. every time i attempt to say it now, it feels also not so us anymore. but yeah, i still love you. Even though sometimes you make me want to physically hurt you and even after all the times you've ( unintentionally ) hurt me, you;ve been pretty great , as a boyfriend and a best friend. the first year has been amazing, and even though it hurts like hell now when we argue, i don't regret getting into this. and don't you say you wish that i didn't like you this much because i do, despite many efforts. when our last fight occur which was 2 days ago, i swell myself up in the wounds of pain. and all you had was your man ego, you ego to never forgive or even apologise just for me. must you be so calculative in this relationship. i used to lay on your bare chest without thoughts, about how the last few moments between us felt right, the current moments felt safe and the next moment was lost in ecstasy. it seems that now when i lay on your bare chest heavy thoughts surrounds, about how not long from now i will be laying on my pillow without you. the kiss on the forehead brings me back to where we are, reassuring me that its fine, that is still how it was. 

what is this i am feeling, where am i to you?
words or thoughts?
just say it to me , fight your ego 

dear me

it happens, it always happens in a relationship.

 they call it normal , but to me its a cry for help. 

being silent and comprising built up by themselves started to fuel up and tend to turn themselves into tears and anger which unable my function to react as a normal human being again. 

i rebelled and went against all the rule of being in a relationship. 

i lost it , it was a unforeseen one time flash with no one to pull the brakes,

the furiousity  of being the strong one just threw the flames into the eyes

and there and then , the drive out the door. it was lost to what we thought would be a good night. 

but as i raved on the night with heavy laughter, melodious humour, my presence wasnt there. 

it got so numb, time swelling on to my skin. what i really wanted was to leave the artificial pain killer

there is was the unexpected causing an uproar scene.  

there was an exception this time, i really wanted to die

those words hit the depth of the core. sanity became insanity. 

minutes, hours and day 

there i was laying on the ground crawled up like a ball, unknown for the fact that my whole world came crashing down worst than ever before. 

constant turbulence emotions in the head, blurred by visions

it pulled it back the pain, i didnt want to grow and have my kids seeing me like this in the future.

its time to grow and give in to face the reality. 

as i look back at myself in the mirror today, 

i scare myself thinking of how horrible i could have been at that second.

and here it comes the sunshine, 

i am glad to have you as a support, my partner

stars beneath us

what defines us ?

love so deep, conquering our souls, it kills our mode to humanity. 

sensitivity, jealousy, priorities comes in our soul when we love someone so deep. 

we can never fight the happiness that drowns our times, but silent creep up slowly as the happiness fade

every beat of my heart, paints in my mind, everyday so much memories. 

i put you on a canvas, you enable to climb out. 

is this suffocation of your very soul 

seconds, minute, hours, days, weeks, months gradually years .

do you want to live in this cycle?

where is your willingness. 

isnt expectation the root to all evil, 

an addition priorities may lead to evilness and disappointments

my words are drying out .

left in the cold dark nights of theses walls.

swallow thoughts

ever felt like you're trap inside some insensible emotion which hurts, but just cant seem to bring it up to anyone? and a remedy to forget the second, was to do something therapeutic , which in some being disagreed by others. instead of getting support, you're being shot down and anger arouses amongst you.

it doesn't matter when even if the other party doesn't understand the pain that you go through,
because somehow you know you can swallow the pain of your own and move on, even with the blame of being something which the other party doesn't agree.

There are somethings which doesn't need to be brought up because we know that its not worth the fight at all.


Do you feel the same?

* rant rant rant*

till now all i know is how to rant in this world of mine.

on the other note, so much is happening around me, so much emotional issues. i just cant explain , i just need someone to talk to about this.i need it now and i know it . i need a fix, i need a gateaway again!

*foodlah : Jamie Oliver Perth

*FOODLAH: Jamie Oliver Perth 

Come on ? who are were kidding its friggin JAMIE OLIVER. This would be the second time here and yet only one thing was disappointing, THE WAIT! *complaints complaints* everuyone knows i have n o patience when it comes to waiting for things. 

But heck it was pretty much worth the wait, 

what we had. 

baked mushroom, arancini balls, the handcrafted chips, sirloin, black squid ink pasta, truffled risotto, wild rabbit tangling, and the seasoned fruit dessert . 

Noms 

rates: 8/10 

for the price its worth a shot yall!

*foodlah: heavenly plate high tea

*Foodlah: Heavenly Plate High Tea

899 Canning Hwy  Applecross WA 6153 (08) 6364 0712 Been procrastinating visiting this little decorative teal blue place! Known for its vegetarian unique food experience, last month i decided that we should have our  monthly anniversary here. Booking was essential for the high tea as the chef needed to know the quantity to prepare for the occasion. As we enter, a light fragrant of jasmine could be scented. I thank the weather for making the mood right! it wasnt too gloomy nor sunny, just nice for the high tea session. We were placed at the side of the window next to Canning Highway which gave us a total glimpse of the cars around us. What we had, one the first tier were scones and jam, not the very best! but still acceptable! Scones and jam reminds me of Sydney Queen Vic Building , best ever!ugh! on the second tier lays pumpkin soup, mini sandwich wrapped with beetroot and carrot. Third tier, tiramisu, raspberry cakes, and some yam thingy which wasnt too bad. And that was it :) happy 8th ! rate : 5/10

We later strolled to the dark side of Perth fashion : 

     

and the following pink celine.

i have no idea what this post would really be about, but i suggest you look at the pictures and you can tell what catches your eyes. 

THE PINK BAG. 

yep , its the IT bag for awhile now. its the Celine pink Fluro luggage. 

and the rest is pretty much self explanatory. 

my days have been passing by really quickly thank you :) flooded with work and study hours, forcing my way to be productive at all times.  its april and here comes autumn season. My first half of the year has gone by so quickly with my loved one. feeling so blessed and cherishing every moment of the day with this particular person. and soon to come a bigger step forward...which i shall mention later on once everything is being dealt with . 

anyway, have a good day yall :) 

i shall keep posting.. . i shall!

Wherever you go, no matter what the weather, always bring your own sunshine. 无论去哪儿，什么天气，记得带上自己的阳光..

hatred prosperous.

The ones where you gave it your all. The ones you felt that they would be there for you for the whole time. But something happened, or even nothing happened at all. Whatever it was, it caused the friendship to fade. And that friendship turned into acquaintances, and then into strangers. this is the saddest phrase of life and growing up. 

It all feels so pseudo? or am i the pseudo? My life perceptions have always been pure and strong. Everyone deserves a chance to be trusted and be treated equally. ive always been given warning about the possible damage into which my insouciance might yet lead me to pain.

pain which becomes a desire to recover through desperate forgiveness.ive always lived in a  world of greasy, cold faults. you may think its a hideout of runway when in contrast it becomes the total opposite. being the bigger person has always been the motivation. no grudge is all i contain inside of my very bottom soul. correct me, let me grow to be a better person, cause im deeply dying into this threshold if 

come and talk to me. 

dont let us be strangers. 

the couples.

I’m just waiting for the one girl who will protect me, who will make me feel deserving enough to have someone else. I’m waiting for the one girl who will truly understand me, who wants to atleast. Who will not be drived away by emotions, when I try to push them away. Who won’t give up on me. 

i will be that girl .

To the guys out there that don’t notice the smallest things , If a girl is willing to take the time to call you or text you to resolve issues or tension between you and her, then know that she truly does care for you. Don’t ignore her or neglect her, Pick up that phone and talk things out with her in order to resolve those issue. You are someone special in her life and she can’t stand the fact that she might lose you due to some insignificant argument. Learn to forgive and forget, Sometimes you just have to let go of the past and live in the moment, Cherish the time you and her have had and will continue to have in the future. Go make happy memories full of laughs and happiness. Don’t let those insignificant moments of anger get between the both of you and most of all never let her go to sleep mad or sad.

The argumentative couple.

The couple that always fights, yet they never have the guts to leave each other.

The ‘IT’ couple.

The couple that everyone wishes to be. The one couple that everyone looks up too. and wishes to have such a relationship.

The playful couple.

The  relationship everyone wishes they had with their significant one. Where they can play practical jokes on each other, and yet still find each other way too resisting.

The romantic couple.

The couple that always has everything planned out for each other. Anniversaries. Holidays. They both know what to do for one another. and always plans something just to see the other one smile.

The risky couple.

The couple that took the risk of falling in love with each other. And yet, still have the feelings that they had, when they first fell for one another.

The ‘trying’ couple.

The couple that always seems to have most problems. But always keep trying, because losing each other would be the worst thing for them.

The ‘perfect’ couple.

A couple that is just satisfied to have each other. With them, and yet so far away.

which do we fall in ?

make them yours before. . .

Make them yours, before someone else does. Make that move, before someone else does. Hold them close, before someone else does. Tell them you love them, before someone else does. 

Time wont wait for you, you have to make the moments happen. 

xx