2017 here we go

seems like its all this new year new me bullshit again. heck, lets get on with it. 

what im looking to achieve on this resolution 

making full use of my gym membership

yep, finally joined the gym, so i need my khloe kardashian body , bring on the squads

create a space of my own 

 a space of whatever and with whoever, this would be a personal journey 

consider on relocating 

this has probably been the end game of our relationship, somewhere new somewhere fresh 

capturing better quality moments

 gotta start taking better videos and photos for us 

smashing out the year with positivity 

 i reckon this would be the most important thing of all, building positivity. its not an easy task, we all speak it but action speaks louder than words. Find positivity is a starving strive everyone wants. Lets keep striving for it , shan't we?

* tame tame tame

tame your soul ,
and i adore you because youre a no-body.

and what you see are not shattered streets,

but rather, within you, your own crushed walls,

your frustrated infinity, again the city comes

crashing down: in your silence, only water's threat

over the pass months, boulder of challenges have literally knocked down. due to this a tough nutshell of mine is formed, hence creating a less vulnerable and more cynical self. its time to let go of old feelings that no longer have a use for in this. those feelings might include regret over a path not taken , or probably anger at someone who betrayed the trust, or maybe sadness over someone whom let me down. while at it, letting go of self doubt, guilt over poor choice or an error in judgement comes vital. when all these useless emotions are shed away, the dazzling person in me shines. dreams will be free to reach and waiting to be revealed. believe me.

mad hatters

another weekend gone.
time should just slow down.
its triggering a self-mode implosion in my mind right now.
tripping on upcoming assignments!gotta get my gear on!
uni late nights are back in trend again, way ahead before the exam periods.

gah. ive ntg in mind, exp you :)

good night babies.

not an opinion but a rewrite.

frozen fingers and feet were quickly diminished into the warmth given. sheets tangled and so were they,twisted and wrapped inside the warmth of each other. the moment swell between laughter, soft whisper and some silence; the perfect resilience moment. her little fingers grasps between his blushing cheeks gently. each movement felt so clear as though as it was a movie viewing from another angle. nevertheless, it is taking in every bit of this new person that scares her and she wanted so badly to retreat and not allow herself feel this vulnerable, when the predictable outcome could led to another pain. it feels all too familiar to her but so much better. the game plans immediately changed, when one night she realized that everyone deserves a chance. for once, she's drown in confusion. Her thoughts are erratic and change with every word she jot downs.

should the chances be taken ?

why let this beautiful stranger in , when she has never let her guards down to any other before?

why was it this person that she succumbed to ?

how did she get here?

but for now all she can hope for is that this time- it doesn't hurt as much.

just another hit and run ?

xx

hi ! im i what you're looking for. . because you've got the arms I want to be wrapped in, the eyes I want to get lost in, and the voice I want to wake up to every morning.

你不应该想他了...我应该继续前进

ps: i died a little inside , knowing that it would be monday tomorrow. Dear time, could you slow down just a little , i cant keep up!

nights xx

*the ache of the . .

BRING me back the sun shiny days of Melbourne :*(

the semester is beginning again, not as pumped up as i thought i would be. probably due to the cramps i have at the moment. Not to please with the timetable due to full fridays. gah! oh wells, lets hope all goes well this sem!

*goodbye blondeness

GOODBYE ORANGE HAIR :)

*devotion of low life

im naked , im lost heading towards a dead end. routeless.

the skies cried a little today. the dense dark clouds hovering it doesnt allow it to leave. this is where comfort hugs and a little companion from a mans best friend is needed. needless to say,gradually the thoughts of little things in life starts to crimp the % of smiles. im quite dysfunctional . i recall my self as a strong minded little creature. i came clean. i suppress my egoist attitude and let the world had its say. the feedbacks werent as great as i thought it would have been . have i walked the wrong path for all this while ?

ramble ramble ramble.

if the misfortunate hadnt happened on the weekends, i wouldnt had lose a friend. words cant never make up what you did.

let me breathe

at home, two person in whom gave me life, the constant issues. let me be and let me live. im no longer that child whom once had no idea what she wants from life. stop making promises which you wont be able to deliver. dictation is not a guiding method.

VACANT: a big heartedly fellow to fill in a big ambiguous female.

are this pictures bright and loving enough to describe my current emotions?

well if you have, im feeling the total opposite of it.

tell me

it aint me babe.

i want to know whats going on in that stubborn little head of yours.
after all the crap talk i typed, not a single reply.
probably was a suspense call.
maybe i am that selfish ?
protocol?
you could have voiced out but you didnt.
and no i didnt intentionally wait. it was just curiosity which conquered my emotions .
you = stubbornly clinging to your pride. not always readily alter opinions and behaviour in the request of others.
Because of your stubborn nature dont you realise it makes it harder to accept that there is no virtue in giving what you want to give, rather than virtue of what maybe wanted or needed.
im not avoiding my faults.
me = helpless when it comes to confrontations. my fear of hurting others and also of hostile situations can keep me from reaching my goals.

maybe its time to sneak a little prayer to God, and seek for help.
( by my words of God, somebody out there, no specific callings )

what you wished for. . has come

absolutely feeling lethargic.

hard breathing respirations.

can you tell me how did this all went wrong?

we shouldnt loath people, as it is as if we are burning our own homes to get rid of a pesty rat. its always ourselves to be blame, not the other party.

goodbye profanities, looking forward to some sort of other way to go through the days.

goodbye to you my wonderful companion.

im ready to breathe the air on the eastern side of this country, mid term breaks im coming.

another day another heartbreak .

''Whatever it is you are feeling is a perfect reflection of what is in the process of becoming''

in less than half an hour , i began to learn about the secret.

im a moving mountain, and hopefully ill bloom into a an eruption-less volcano

''We don't need to complicate all the "reasons" behind our emotions. It's much simpler than that. Two categories .. good feelings, bad feelings''

' some couples are just designed to have fail relations'
-monsters

lets not jump to conclusion.
but hold on?
do you believe?

*missus never.

been having issues with technology recently. ok i lied, i put the blame on my own state of memory.

First, lost in the ecstasy of my missing laptop, after the emotional drama ,is was then to be found in my laundry. SILLY ENOUGH!.

second, my laptop charger has ran away to a better place no where to be found. SILLY ENOUGH!

third, an external hard drive which obviously has gone to a better side of the world,avoiding me of course.SILLY ENOUGH!

saving the best for the last,

woke up from the rarest dream ever. was stuck as a survivor in a zombieland, similarly to l4d the game! Some witch zombie was chasing madly after me and so happened this other survivor threw me a bottle of gasoline. When i was about to pour the flammable on the zombie, i realised that i had no fire. Somehow, i reached out to my pocket and found a lighter! And FLAMES! adious zombie! The last part came, where i ran to a suburban home and was greeted by a lovely middle aged man outside, '' youre safe now''. Oh not to mention, he had golden retrievers ! as i walked thru the front door towards the kitchen, and BAM! my family was there in the kitchen. Weird!im baffled on how dreams are so perplexed and so-related to reality. the mind plays funny games. it wasn't a vague dream, for sure.

alright nights world. .

xx

dope! how you can be so contradictive. you managed to point out faults of someone, and yet you acquire the same faults as well. telling someone how they are wrong, when you practice them yourself. isnt that hypocritical? leaving me with the blame of taking too much of your time, whereas you've opt to go and waste time yourself without my notions. isnt that as bad?

*rage of anger

personal emotional ball is wrapping up real quick inside. a sudden rage of anger just whipped up the heart, impounding every inch of the cranium.

the phrase where it comes to mind . .
do you still want this anymore?

its a shame the habit of negative thoughts and chi invades the mind just like that. no solutions just decisions.

why is there always have to be comparisons?just because i dont get something i want.. return my old flame love.where acceptance and honesty is the lust to our love.

*someone i once knew, showed me love

im losing myself in the ectasy of the pass. im not holding myself back in the present, i want to know how it feels like again, relive the moment. everything's moving too fast, or maybe im moving too fast. no doubt, no time to waste ,waking up with tears wasnt exactly expected. the worries didnt represent the tears, but it represented a why? the question is do i miss you that much ? realistically, i dont feel it, in fantasies , perhaps i do.pull me back someone

.

i found this in one of my oldest post. weird aint it, i feel exactly the same 3-4 years ago. .

there's somethings in life which are inevitable.

many times, when my pride is hurt

the ego turns defensive and absurd,

a silent anger

a simmering resentment

fuming, fuming, fuming deep in me

many times, when my attachment is threatneded,

the 'I' feels the pang of loss

a silent confusing

a growing misery

clinging, clinging and clinging on to me

i have still a long, long way to go

yet short.

if i just let go

yes ,simply letting go.

*letting.go.dutty.dutty

the break is about to end.

bombarded with uni assignment is the last thing i would wanna think about right now.

sigh.

the road for is about to end as well.

decisions decisions decisions, ill make them as i move ahead.

time really makes a difference. this so called 'time', makes me feel nauseous and vulnerable. All moments cascade uncontrollably through your fingers. 'Now' is an intangible event, everything we are and ever have been; is the past.

pls jailbreak me from time.

x

inevitably life's going at the same pace at the moment,

same faces, same conversation

at a stage i took the time and space ,

realised that i was never like this,

usually lying on your bare chest there were empty thoughts, nothing but peace and serendipity,

gradually i lost his ecstasy.

heavy thoughts overcame the empty thoughts.

however, when a kiss on the forehead appeared, it brought me back to reality that everything is fine.;; everything was fine.

what was the problem?

i take the courage to ponder,
do you really want this anymore?

*breakthough

'my feelings for you has, like a fever, taken its course. Back then we thought we had a flame, I know now it was just an infection.''