dear me

it happens, it always happens in a relationship.

 they call it normal , but to me its a cry for help. 

being silent and comprising built up by themselves started to fuel up and tend to turn themselves into tears and anger which unable my function to react as a normal human being again. 

i rebelled and went against all the rule of being in a relationship. 

i lost it , it was a unforeseen one time flash with no one to pull the brakes,

the furiousity  of being the strong one just threw the flames into the eyes

and there and then , the drive out the door. it was lost to what we thought would be a good night. 

but as i raved on the night with heavy laughter, melodious humour, my presence wasnt there. 

it got so numb, time swelling on to my skin. what i really wanted was to leave the artificial pain killer

there is was the unexpected causing an uproar scene.  

there was an exception this time, i really wanted to die

those words hit the depth of the core. sanity became insanity. 

minutes, hours and day 

there i was laying on the ground crawled up like a ball, unknown for the fact that my whole world came crashing down worst than ever before. 

constant turbulence emotions in the head, blurred by visions

it pulled it back the pain, i didnt want to grow and have my kids seeing me like this in the future.

its time to grow and give in to face the reality. 

as i look back at myself in the mirror today, 

i scare myself thinking of how horrible i could have been at that second.

and here it comes the sunshine, 

i am glad to have you as a support, my partner

stars beneath us

what defines us ?

love so deep, conquering our souls, it kills our mode to humanity. 

sensitivity, jealousy, priorities comes in our soul when we love someone so deep. 

we can never fight the happiness that drowns our times, but silent creep up slowly as the happiness fade

every beat of my heart, paints in my mind, everyday so much memories. 

i put you on a canvas, you enable to climb out. 

is this suffocation of your very soul 

seconds, minute, hours, days, weeks, months gradually years .

do you want to live in this cycle?

where is your willingness. 

isnt expectation the root to all evil, 

an addition priorities may lead to evilness and disappointments

my words are drying out .

left in the cold dark nights of theses walls.

swallow thoughts

ever felt like you're trap inside some insensible emotion which hurts, but just cant seem to bring it up to anyone? and a remedy to forget the second, was to do something therapeutic , which in some being disagreed by others. instead of getting support, you're being shot down and anger arouses amongst you.

it doesn't matter when even if the other party doesn't understand the pain that you go through,
because somehow you know you can swallow the pain of your own and move on, even with the blame of being something which the other party doesn't agree.

There are somethings which doesn't need to be brought up because we know that its not worth the fight at all.


Do you feel the same?

* rant rant rant*

till now all i know is how to rant in this world of mine.

on the other note, so much is happening around me, so much emotional issues. i just cant explain , i just need someone to talk to about this.i need it now and i know it . i need a fix, i need a gateaway again!

deeper

Shes lost her sanity for words, the lack of sleep does justice to her piece of mind.Like a dark child numb and dumbfounded, bounded to heartbreak.What hurt this child was smtg so close and intimate. Something personal.Someone personal.
Abusive thoughts pondering and floating amongst the air she breathes, she lives and feed on these pain ..when does it ever end?repeatedly shes tried to reposition herself into this cold, endless political world. the consequence will still remain constant and inevitable. is there hope to be bound to truth someone so deep again?how much lies does it take to learn about the truth? insecurity bounds these lies and truths. 

what defines love?

shes lost herself in the world of silence and lies. letting herself believe in a religion and ritual which she didnt deserve to be in. 

all she wanted was to love and be loved, simple and simply. no regrets, no holding back, just pure happiness. day by day flowing through the days without negativity, shouldnt this be what we are living for? waking up to his beautiful smile, being the one for this other soul, merrying along the days. her guards down for this person, believing in his every word, no doubtings, offering a portion of her heart. there is not  a single doubt that she longs for him, his truth his trust his smile, his soul. she recognises the fear of losing him,which is being outgrown by the emotions she has for him. 

however,

purity simple happiness still seems so out of reach for her. 

def: thoughts

THOUGHTS,
 The faculty of thinking or reasoning.

it is this faculty detesting the most. the pale look into your eyes conveys a huge thunder of thoughts in your mind.sitting quietly and patiently for the share of thoughts, as always, but knowingly its deeply killing inside to urge and strangle you to share them. the earthy colour tone of this cubicle walls slowly dying and drowning the sorrow of two earthlings souls. thoughts loomed overhead, soaking two souls in distances containing dirty unsolved emotions. drawing in a breath of the cool , moist air circulating the cubicle, more thoughts grew. like it leech, it stays on until being spotted and brushed off. this time its different, they stayed on and grew. the thoughts of course. it is because of these unsecured, evil, spontaneous thoughts which kills the souls. 

the pain of silence and coldness shattered this one soul. 

could it be the end?

there should be a reasoning for everything should they ?

''self-discipline, although difficult, and not always easy while combatingnegative emotions, should be a defensive measure.  At least we will be able to prevent the advent of negative conduct dominated by negative emotion.  That is 'shila', or moral ethics.  Once we develop this by familiarizing ourselves with it, along with mindfulness and conscientiousness, eventually that pattern and way of life will become a part of our own life."-

* tame tame tame

tame your soul ,
and i adore you because youre a no-body.

and what you see are not shattered streets,

but rather, within you, your own crushed walls,

your frustrated infinity, again the city comes

crashing down: in your silence, only water's threat

not an opinion but a rewrite.

frozen fingers and feet were quickly diminished into the warmth given. sheets tangled and so were they,twisted and wrapped inside the warmth of each other. the moment swell between laughter, soft whisper and some silence; the perfect resilience moment. her little fingers grasps between his blushing cheeks gently. each movement felt so clear as though as it was a movie viewing from another angle. nevertheless, it is taking in every bit of this new person that scares her and she wanted so badly to retreat and not allow herself feel this vulnerable, when the predictable outcome could led to another pain. it feels all too familiar to her but so much better. the game plans immediately changed, when one night she realized that everyone deserves a chance. for once, she's drown in confusion. Her thoughts are erratic and change with every word she jot downs.

should the chances be taken ?

why let this beautiful stranger in , when she has never let her guards down to any other before?

why was it this person that she succumbed to ?

how did she get here?

but for now all she can hope for is that this time- it doesn't hurt as much.

just another hit and run ?

xx

*ccuppies

6 days of child's play

althought the sun shine has faded away,

it still secretly waits for me to return into its shade of light.

thanks for shining on me for this week :)

it was beyond amazing that you came looking for a moody moon.

loves loves.

i know that you'll always be there for me, likewise for me to you.

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

xx

*visions. .

8.40..

ping!

a: i just got home!

b: i hate the weather, stupid rain!

a: i know, what you doing now?

b: im in bed now:(

ring ring. ..

a: are you ok? you dont sound fine :(

b: bed, unwell what do you expect?

a: go get some medication D:

b: not in a million years thanks

......

ping!

b: anyway, showered?

a: im outside, your mom's walking towards the door i can see her reflection . .hahaha.

b: ??

a: as promised, ill tug you to bed whenever you need me. dont worry, i dont mind sleeping on the couch :]

i still wonder why you'll never earn as much point as he does.

the perfect vision and expectation on you.

x

KC'S 21ST

my weekend was good. :)

slept in on saturday night. what a pleasant child . . no metros for this baby! woohoo

KC'S 21ST BIRTHDAY

120310

@ RAFFLES APPLECROOS & AFTERS @ GOLD BAR

vvens sam likes this :P

natalie chai likes this :)

the groupie :*)

me likey the lightings!

hello emz ho!

birthday boy :D

darling:)

hello aaronk!

hello tony t!

the photo boothh!

hello kev!

*Spring is nature's way of saying, "Let's party!"

boys or mens.

posers.

*“Much of the vitality in a friendship lies in the honouring of differences, not simply in the enjoyment of similarities.”

loving this shots!

*Cherish your yesterdays and dream your tomorrows, but most importantly, don't forget to live your today's.

* family are the ones you rely on no matter what.

:O

lovin the effect on the my lion!

ladies of the night

21ST LEGAL IN THE STATES!

*“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another, 'What! You too? I thought I was the only one”

cakey

lighting effects

*Contemplation often makes life miserable. We should act more, think less, and stop watching ourselves live.

lisha ! i didnt even recognise her till gold bar!

wooohoooo

party people

babes

floral is love

look at aarons reactioN!

*lifes tooo short to be missing out

boys

hello more boys!

*true friendship comes when silence is comfortable between both

e. a. x

hello e! :)

e. k

loving the bubbles .

spanky wanky :P

we do it likee that. .

floral stockings

imma camwhore

*Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... It is all about dancing in the rain!